


Pen Name

by HobbitsandDwarves



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, M/M, Mpreg, Reincarnation, cat!Sméagol, dog!Beorn, dog!Dain, good!Azog, good!Bolg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-10-28
Packaged: 2018-04-21 13:43:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4831211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HobbitsandDwarves/pseuds/HobbitsandDwarves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>William Robert Baggins has a secret. He was once a hobbit, and re-wrote his story for the modern day world, hoping that his dwarves had been reincarnated as well. </p>
<p>Richard Thorne Durin had been looking for his burglar for 10 years. He found him once 8 years ago, but the once hobbit had not remembered his past life, so the once dwarf left. 4 years after that meeting, he wished he hadn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this story was inspired by a prompt suggestion made by Nithul found in the Chapter 11 comments of MilkTeaMiku's 'September' story. 
> 
> "How about a modern reincarnated fic where Bilbo (William Robert Baggins) writes under the pen name J.R.R.Tolkien after he remembers his past life as a hobbit. This of course gets the attention of the company, (who also remember), but they can't find their burglar because he's written under a pen name. Thorin finds him first by accident in a store ( florist, grocery, music, book, I don't care). Maybe Bilbo can be taking care of his orphaned nephew as well."
> 
> I came up with this. Only difference from the prompt idea is that Frodo is an mpreg baby.
> 
> Meh. -shrugs-
> 
> I don't own 'The Hobbit'. Enjoy!

"Aaaahhhh!"

The shout had the cinnamon colored Abyssinian breed of feline running out of the study. The highly active cat had gotten into the filing cabinet, (he swore he had locked it though), and had scattered all of his notes all over the floor, and chewed on several others. Of course, that had led to the cat getting spritzed with a spray bottle to get him out of the room.

"Sorry Papa!" Elijah Frode Baggins, that wonderful seven year old, called as he chased after Sméagol… the cat.

"Just keep him out of my study for the rest of the day, _please_!" Will called after the boy.

"Yes Papa!" Elijah yelled back.

William Robert Baggins, award winning author, single-parent, and stressed out pet owner, huffed as he glared after the once abused feline. The only reason the cat had a place in his home was because of his son, who insisted on adopting him two years ago after seeing him in the local shelter, scheduled to be put down the next day. The blasted creature had chewed up most of his information on Khuzdul. It had been hard to get all of that info, but thankfully he had several copies saved on several portable hard-drives and USB drives.

Will had a secret to his award-winning book success, aside from writing under the penname J.R.R. Tolkien. He remembered a past life where he was a short creature that had large pointed ears and ran about with large bare feet whose tops were covered in hair, a hobbit. From that remembrance, a story had been born.

He had started remembering after he had met Elijah's father, a man named Richard (Will didn't know his last name). The two had met in a bar not too far from where Will lived, where Will was trying to drown out his sorrows at his latest failed relationship with a blind date that he actually felt would become more. Richard had bought him a drink, and sorrows, (plus alcohol), was shared before the two took a taxi to a decent motel and shared a night of passion. Richard was gone when Will had woken, and that was fine with him. At the time, that is.

One month later, he started having dreams of Middle-Earth, and the month following, discovered he was pregnant with his son. The dreams became more intense as his pregnancy progressed. To his huge shock, his pregnancy doctor was Lord Elrond, (Dr. Hugo Halfelfen) who had been 'reborn' as a human. The man remembered, and just like when Bilbo was a pregnant hobbit, he looked after the pregnant man to the best of his abilities.

Bilbo, (for that was now who he saw himself as), thought and focused on his memories of his past life as much as he could. But he had a sudden realization when he figured out why he had been so attracted to Richard… he was Thorin Oakenshield reincarnated. Of course Bilbo had tried to find him again, (hopefully before their baby was born), by with no last name, no luck.

When the babe had been born, Bilbo immediately knew that he had been granted the opportunity to care for Frodo once again, and vowed to be a better father this time. His mother, Isabelle Baggins née Took, had been a huge help during and after the pregnancy, and chased away the relatives of her late husband who wanted Bilbo to give up the babe. She was the best Grandmother in the world.

Two and a half years after Frodo's birth, Bilbo had written down his story again, and Frodo's story after, with the help of Elrond. Elrond also put his name in at Green Forest Publishing and got his 'Lord of the Rings' Trilogy going. The Gamgee's moved next door and began to tend to his gardens again, their young Sean Samuel (good old Samwise) watching out for and playing with Frodo. His maternal aunts had children, and his cousins had Dominic Merrick Brandybuck, and Billy Pellegrin Took. Look out world, Merry and Pippin were back at it.

The next story in his Middle-Earth Universe, (The Hobbit), was due to come out in two weeks and fans were raving for more info about other races besides elves. At first, Bilbo hadn't wanted to share more than Frodo's story, but after meeting his new publisher, Lee Thrand Oropherilion (it was Thranduil!), after his old one quit, (Stephen Maelstrom Fry), Bilbo handed over his prized story for slaughter, hoping the rest of his dwarves had also been reborn into the modern world and would contact him.

But so far… nothing.

~

Richard Thorne Durin had to keep himself from banging his head against his desk in frustration. It had been eight years since the CEO of Erebor Enterprises had run into Bilbo's reincarnation at a bar, and 10 years of keeping his past life a secret. Thorin couldn't bring himself to tell Bilbo who he was after he accidentally found him in the bar, (the once hobbit didn't identify him), so after making sure they were both tipsy, Thorin had brought him to a motel and proceeded to make love to the man like he had once done so long ago.

If Bilbo had told him was his name was in these modern times, he had missed it. To him, no matter what form he took, Bilbo would always be Bilbo. With a broken heart, Thorin had left the motel in the early hours of the morning, paying for the room and trying to put Bilbo behind him once again. It was very difficult, and he never really did manage it. Sometimes he would ask Bilbo for his opinion about one thing or another, turn to the space he had been talking to only to find that he wasn't there.

Over the course of the next four years, the entire company, including his (now) 10 and 8 year old nephews, his younger brother, and his younger sister and her husband, regained their memories. Dean Phillip Turner and Aiden Killian Turner were only two years apart in age, and nearly gave Thorin a heart attack the morning they asked if they were going to go searching for Mr. Boggins. His brother, Charles Freemont Durin, added to it by commenting about Thorin's dirty laundry killing any orcs that smelled it within a 100 mile radius.

On the other hand, his sister, Desirae Turner née Durin, attempted to strangle Thorin the morning she remembered while yelling and cussing him out in Khuzdul. And Dís would have succeeded if Frerin and her husband, (Phillip Villiers Turner), hadn't held her back. Of course, when Fíli and Kíli yelled at their mom to "Stop cussing, Amad*!", "Yeah! There are Dwarflings present!", Víli had let go of his wife and scooped up his sons, whooping in delight at the new chance to raise his boys properly this time.

The company Thorin re-met one at a time. Ken Baliff McTavish came to him first, revealing that Balin had known for about the same time he had, but remained silent when Thorin didn't give any signs of remembering Middle-Earth. His brother, Graham Dwayne McTavish recalled after he stopped someone trying to mug Thorin, moving like Dwalin had ever so long ago.

Peter Glyn Callen was Thorin's personal banker, and his way of letting Thorin know was slipping a note written in Khuzdul with Thorin's monthly bank statement. And when they spoke in private for the first time, the man bellowed what the note said in his ears, cuss words and all, (his ears were still ringing). Glóin's son, John Gimmer Callen had come in right after his father was done, and smacked Thorin upside the head. Gimli warned him not to get his cousins killed… again. John Oisin Callen was the family's personal doctor, and he had made an off handed comment to Thorin about not chasing down any orcs while he was sick with the flu. Thorin's response was a specific finger and curse word, which, (of course), made Óin laugh.

Thorin met William Biff Kircher when he heard one of his employees cussing out another employee for not following the proper safety procedures. All in Khuzdul. Thorin had bellowed for silence, and when Bifur looked at him with wide eyes, he realized that he had yelled in Khuzdul, "Atkât!", instead of "Silence!" in English. Small oops on his part, but it had gotten the once dwarf's attention. Thorin gestured for Bifur to follow him into his office and received the head knocking of the century from the once dwarf.

James Balfour Hunter, Bofur, fellow employee and Bifur's cousin, had followed the two into the office and gave Thorin the second strongest head knocking of the century from him. Bofur then proceeded to take the two to Big Bomb's, the restaurant owned and operated by his brother and Bifur's cousin, Stephen Bombay Hunter. Bombur had been delighted to see Thorin again, and retrieved ice packs for all three of them instead of giving Thorin another head knocking of the century.

Not long after, Jed Noriese Brophy attempted to swipe Thorin's wallet on a crowded street. The thief hadn't expected the CEO to chase after him, much less actually _catch_ him, but Thorin recognized the thieving style and auburn hair anywhere, (even if it did need a healthy dose of shampoo). Nori had stiffened when Thorin panted out his Middle-Earth name no higher than a whisper, but he wiggled out of Thorin's loosened grip and gave him a tight hug. Thorin, after hugging back and trying not to gag, took Nori on a shopping spree for him and his brothers, (since they lived in poverty at the moment).

Mark Dorian Hadlow nearly had a conniption fit when Nori walked through the front door of their run down home, (looking like the cat gotten the canary), while he carried the fashion label bags of clothes and other items into the house. Of course, Adam Orion Brown told Dori to shut up as he ran outside to help Thorin carry in some more bags. Dori nearly had another fit as he chased after Ori, but fell silent when he saw Thorin coming up the sidewalk with more bags of clothes and job offers for all three of the brothers.

Ever since the company reunited, they had weekly dinners on Sunday evenings. Sometimes they went out and others a family would host. One evening four years ago, 'The Fellowship of the Ring' by J.R.R Tolkien had reached bookstores. At first, he'd paid no attention to it, until Gimli ran into dinner yelling at the top of his lungs about the latest book his English Literature class had been assigned to read. After much confusion, Gimli had read the first sentence out loud. Or, at least, he had tried to.

" _When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would be celebrating-._ "

None of them, not even Ori, had written down their story, much less sought to have it published. The following clamor was deafening. It had taken Thorin bellowing at the top of his lungs to quiet the company down again. The once dwarf felt that he couldn't breathe. His hobbit remembered! But he had written under a pen name, and Thorin didn't know his real one. But still, it was better than nothing. Nori had immediately set out in tracking down their burglar, but after four years, he still couldn't find the man.

"Alright there, laddie?" Balin asked as Thorin looked up at his advisor, (in both lifetimes), who had a look of sympathetic worry on his face.

"As well as I can be." Thorin sighed. "I thought humans didn't have Ones."

"I guess that when you were once a dwarf, some things stay with you." Balin replied, and Thorin nodded as he flicked his eyes up. "Nothing yet."

Thorin exhaled. Eight long years since he had seen Bilbo. The CEO of Erebor Enterprises never should have let him go. The once hobbit would have remembered.

Hindsight always is 100%, sarcastically perfect.

~

Khuzdul Translations

*Amad- Khuzdul for Mother

*Atkât- Khuzdul for Silence

~

Here is a list of Character in modern times- and who they were in Middle-Earth

William Robert Baggins- Bilbo Baggins

Elijah Frode Baggins- Frodo Baggins

Dr. Hugo Halfelfen- Lord Elrond

Isabelle Baggins née Took- Belladonna Baggins née Took

Sean Samuel Gamgee- Samwise Gamgee

Dominic Merrick Brandybuck- Meriadoc (Merry) Brandybuck

Billy Pellegrin Took- Peregrin (Pippin) Took

Lee Thrand Oropherilion - Thranduil

Stephen Maelstrom Fry- The Master of Laketown

Richard Thorne Durin- Thorin Oakenshield

Dean Phillip Turner- Fíli

Aiden Killian Turner - Kíli

Charles Freemont Durin- Frerin

Desirae Turner née Durin- Dís

Phillip Villiers Turner- Víli

Ken Baliff McTavish- Balin

Graham Dwayne McTavish- Dwalin

Peter Glyn Callen- Glóin

John Gimmer Callen- Gimli

John Oisin Callen- Óin

William Biff Kircher - Bifur

James Balfour Hunter - Bofur

Stephen Bombay Hunter- Bombur

Jed Noriese Brophy- Nori

Mark Dorian Hadlow- Dori

Adam Orion Brown- Ori

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do we think? 
> 
> Good? Bad? Flames?
> 
> Please no flames.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> William Robert Baggins has a secret. He was once a hobbit, and re-wrote his story for the modern day world, hoping that his dwarves had been reincarnated as well. 
> 
> Richard Thorne Durin had been looking for his burglar for 10 years. He found him once 8 years ago, but the once hobbit had not remembered his past life, so the once dwarf left. 4 years after that meeting, he wished he hadn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTICE: I've added info to Chapter 1! Mostly how Thorin met the company, but it's still new! I was thinking of doing another story and go into more detail for each family as to how they met each other. Like, talking and more details then what's already there. What do you think?
> 
> And I was thinking that this would be a two-shot, possibly a three-shot, but it's starting to grow into a monster! 
> 
> Oh well.
> 
> I don't own 'The Hobbit'. Enjoy

Bilbo hummed in his car as he waited for Frodo to get out of school. The bell was due to ring at any second, and they had to take Sméagol to the vet, along with Frodo doctor's appointment. Of course, the cat had seen the cat carrier coming and had made Bilbo's life a living hell for over 2 hours until Bilbo caught him by the scruff and stuff him in, getting a few more scratches on his hands for his troubles, (although they actually looked a bit deep).

Said feline was still hissing and growling at poor Bilbo when Frodo climbed in the backseat of the car.

"Hi Papa." Frodo grinned at the exasperated man before looking over to Sméagol. "Sméagol, you know that today we both have to go to the doctor, so let's just get is over with."

Bilbo glanced in the rearview mirror with a hint of amusement. Only Frodo could tame that savage beast. With a soft chuckle, Bilbo pulled out into traffic.

"What happened to your hands?" Frodo asked, seeing the bandages.

"It's vet day." Bilbo replied, his tone somewhat dulled.

"Sorry." Frodo winced.

"Not your fault." Bilbo sighed. "Sméagol is always going to hate me."

Frodo sighed from the back seat and nodded. The boy had grown up with his memories as a hobbit, so even though he had the occasional nightmare, he knew why Sméagol hated his father so. Though it was confusing to him since he thought that Sméagol would hate him for causing his death.

"And one vet clinic ran by Liv Halfelfen and Viggo Athelas." Bilbo sighed as they pulled up to the House of Healing Veterinary Clinic.

"Aragorn and Arwen!" Frodo cheered as he climbed out of the seat, doubling back for Sméagol. "If you behave today, I'll see if I can get Papa to give you some of the salmon we're having for dinner."

Sméagol chirped happily at the mention of his favorite fish, but stiffened and quieted down once they entered the clinic. It wasn't a busy day that day, (thankfully). The first time Bilbo had been there was four years ago and because of the sign, House of Healing Veterinary Clinic. Going inside, he was so excited to see a young Aragorn at the front desk. The two had exchanged pleasantries and Arwen came out of the back with a large smile. Bilbo may have cut Frodo's play-date with Sam short, but it was worth it to see the young boy's face light up upon seeing the once ranger and once elf again.

"Strider! Evenstar!" Frodo called when he saw no one was in the waiting room or at the front desk while setting down Sméagol's pet carrier. "It's vet day!"

"Nooooooo!"

Bilbo chuckled at Aragorn's groan, and then laughed when the man yelped because his fiancé had smacked him. The once king of Gondor came out of the back rubbing his arm. Sméagol hissed when he caught sight of him. That cat hated Aragorn as much as he hated Bilbo, and it probably had to do with the ranger catching him in the Dead Marshes last lifetime and imprisoning him in Mirkwood.

"Strider!" Frodo squealed as he latched onto the man's leg.

"Hello little hobbit." Aragorn replied as he shook his leg, making Frodo giggle.

"He's not a hobbit anymore." Arwen commented as she breezed out the back, taking in the sight of Aragorn trying to shake a giggling Frodo off his leg, and went to Sméagol.

The cat chirped happily as she opened the cage and scratched him behind the ears, thus making him purr. Bilbo never understood how the once elf always managed to make Sméagol like her, but if it meant less scratches on his hands, he was not going to get involved.

Though he swore it was because she snuck him extra treats when no one was looking.

One hour later, with several vaccines and a clean bill of health, they left the clinic, Aragorn cursing as the door shut because of all the scratches he had gotten during the exam. So, naturally, Frodo turned back around to scold the man while Bilbo loaded Sméagol in the car.

"We all get salmon tonight." Bilbo sighed, also soothing Sméagol a touch.

Two hours later, Frodo had his vaccines and a clean bill of health, so the two headed home. The instant Sméagol was out of his cat carrier, he was meowing for his share of salmon. Bilbo just sighed as pulled the fish from the fridge and tossed the cat a large de-boned chunk, which was caught in mid-air. Sméagol preferred his fish raw, because 1. He was a cat, aka a carnivore, which meant him and his ancestors ate raw meats, and 2. He was Sméagol.

…

Enough said.

"Can we go to the pet park tomorrow?" Frodo asked as he watched his Papa heat up the salmon from a safe distance away from the stove.

"Wanting to see Grandma Bella and Beorn again?" Bilbo asked with a chuckle.

Frodo nodded, his face lighting up at the mention of Bilbo's mother and her black Irish Wolfhound. Bilbo chuckled as the memory of re-meeting Beorn for the first time jumped to the front of his mind. It honestly wasn't unlike when they met their last lifetime, except for one small change.

_Memory _

_"I think he likes it here." Frodo giggled as he and his father watched Sméagol explore the mostly unused and fenced in pet park._

_"I think you're right." Bilbo agreed as Sméagol pounced on a dandelion._

_RUFF! RUFF!_

_Bilbo looked up in alarm at the deep dog bark ringing threw the part. A large black dog was running right towards him and his son. An image of a large bear charging threw the brush and trees jumped to the front of Bilbo's mind. Bilbo reacted instinctively and immediately moved to shield Frodo from the strange hound._

_REOWL!_

_The cry that came from Sméagol made the hair on the back of anyone's neck who heard it stand on end. The Abyssinian feline had seen the enormous dog coming, leapt up, and landed square on the dogs face, clawing and biting it. The hound howled in pain as it tried to shake off the biting and clawing cat._

_"Bad dog!" Belladonna Baggins yelled as she caught up. "Bad dog!"_

_Belladonna Baggins remembered her past life not long after she had re-met Lord Elrond on one of Bilbo's doctor appointments while he was still pregnant with Frodo. After she remembered, she had moved back in with Bilbo to help him with preparing for his new baby while sharing old memories of the Shire with each other. She had moved back out six months after the birth, and was getting the restless urge to travel once again._

_"Mum?" Bilbo questioned._

_"Hello Billy-boo." Belladonna greeted, making her son groan at the nickname. "Help me get the cat off of my new pet?"_

_"Sméagol gets off when he wants to come off." Bilbo replied._

_It didn't take too much longer for the cat to let go. With another hiss at the dog, Sméagol sauntered back to Frodo, and asked to be picked back up. Frodo immediately scooped the feline up and held him close as he stared at the dog with wide eyes from behind his father._

_"So… you got a dog?" Bilbo asked._

_"Yep." Belladonna nodded. "I'm bored living alone, and I'm still young, only just turned 48. I want to travel and someone will need to come with me. You're busy with Frodo and my siblings all have their kids and grandkids to worry about, so I chose a dog that was road, plane, and boat worthy."_

_Said dog was rubbing the new scratches on his face with a paw while whimpering in pain. Bilbo could understand torture the poor fellow was going through, Sméagol had clawed him up plenty of times. With good reason and without good reason._

_"What's his name?" Frodo asked._

_"Is he a he?" Bilbo quickly added._

_"Yes, he's a he." Belladonna chuckled. "And he doesn't have one. Never responded to any of the names he had been given in the past, so I've got to try and find the right one."_

_Bilbo hummed as he kneeled down in front of the dog and pulled his paw away from his face, gently lifting his head so they looked eye to eye. Pools of deep brown filled with knowledge stared back at him. In all his years, Bilbo had only met one with eyes this shade of brown._

_"Beorn." Bilbo whispered, and was rewarded with a slobbery dog kiss. "Ugh!"_

_His mother was no help and was howling in laughter at her son's predicament. Frodo was giggling too and Sméagol looked smug, the stupid cat._

_"Yep." Bilbo spoke louder as he pushed the dog's face, and tongue, away. "That's Beorn alright."_

_"The skinchanger?" Frodo gasped in excitement._

_"The same." Bilbo nodded._

_The once hobbit stood back up, only to get knocked down by the newly discovered Beorn and was absolutely covered with slobbery doggy kisses. None of his family moved to help him, and Sméagol only protected Frodo._

_"I hate you all." Bilbo grumbled, and got more laughter and dog slobber as his reward._

_End of Memory _

"Sure." Bilbo nodded his head, addressing Frodo. "Warn Sméagol though. Please?"

"Okay!" Frodo grinned and ran back towards where he had last seen the cat. "Thanks Papa!"

"The things I do to make him happy." Bilbo sighed with a fond smile on his face as he continued to cook the fish.

~

"Wheeeee!" Frodo squealed in delight as he 'ran' from Beorn.

Beorn barked in delight as he followed the boy, pretending to pounce on him and 'missing', provoking giggles and shrieks of delight. Bilbo watched from one of the benches nearby, Sméagol sitting on the other side and was watching the dog more carefully than Bilbo was. Belladonna had run off to the other side of the park a few minutes earlier, and Bilbo wasn't expecting her back any time soon.

"HEADS UP!"

Bilbo looked up at the bellow of a female voice that wasn't his mother. A large dark orange colored Scottish Deerhound was running right towards him. Bilbo spotted a couple of tuffs of hair by the dog's mouth and immediately knew who it was. The dog stopped in front of Bilbo, wiggling in excitement while dropping the pig squeaky toy that had been in his mouth.

"Hello Dáin." Bilbo sighed quietly and scratched the dog behind his ears.

"Bad Dáin!" the female who had yelled earlier scolded the dog as she finally caught up with him. "Very bad boy!"

"It's alright." Bilbo said as he kept scratching the dog, making him thump one of his hind feet very quickly. "He's a friendly fellow."

"Not most of the time." the woman replied, panting with hands on her knees. "He's an extremely overprotective hound, and doesn't like anyone getting to close to his family. It's shocking that he just ran right up to you."

"Interesting." Bilbo mused and stood up, stopping his scratching, (making Dáin whine at the lack of an awesome ear scratcher), and offered his hand. "William Roberts."

Bilbo hardly introduced himself with his true last name anymore. Many people had laughed, believing that he loved the Lord of the Rings books series so much that he changed his last name. And those who didn't laugh believed he needed to have his head checked for mental issues.

"Desirae Turner." Desirae responded as she finally was able to stand back up and shook Bilbo's outstretched hand.

Bilbo had to keep himself from gasping and hold his face at a neutral expression. Standing right in front of him was a female who looked very similar to Thorin/Richard. They had the same dark black hair and very familiar eye color, but her nose was smaller, her forehead less prominent, and her natural skin tone was a few shades lighter. If Bilbo honestly had to make a guess, he would say that he had just met the reincarnation of Thorin's sister, Dís.

"Oh good, you two have met." Belladonna said as she came up to the two, panting as well.

"Bella." Dís greeted.

"Mum?" Bilbo asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I met Desirae a couple of weeks ago and we've met a couple more times since then." Belladonna explained. "Last time she had the cutest little boys with her, reminded me of you when you were younger. Oh, where are they?"

"At home, doing their homework if they know what's good for them." Dís replied.

"Tell me about it." Belladonna nodded sagely.

"Mum." Bilbo groaned.

"Wheeeee!" Frodo squealed as he ran past with Beorn again.

ARF! ARF!

With a couple of barks, Dáin joined the game of chase, and then promptly ran back to his owner as Sméagol chased after him with hisses and yowls. Dáin whined and looked up at Dís pitifully as Sméagol sauntered back towards Frodo and Beorn, the large dog backing away a couple of steps.

"Don't look at me." Dís scolded him.

"Sorry." Bilbo winced. "Sméagol's like that with everyone but Elijah, my son."

"Sméagol?" Dís raised an eyebrow.

"I named him." Frodo piped up as he came over to his father's side, carrying Sméagol. "He likes it."

"Wish he liked me that much." Bilbo sighed, earning a hiss from Sméagol, with was returned with a flat look of not-impressed-by-your-antics-at-all-ment. "He doesn't put up with attitude from any person or animal, and he is not scared to show them who is boss. Except for one."

"Oh?" Dís asked.

WOOF! WOOF!

Sméagol hissed and jumped out of Frodo's arms, but this time to run up a nearby tree as a large white husky ran past. Bilbo chuckled and shook his head as understanding cross Dís' face. Now she knew who Sméagol didn't want to tangle with.

"Susan!" Manu whined as he ran past the group and up to the husky. "What have I told you about chasing cats?"

Susan looked up at her owner, unashamed at her most recent 'game' of 'chase'. Manu huffed and panted as he nearly keeled over at the exhaustion he was experiencing. Bilbo noticed how Dís stiffened next to him as she took in the sight of the pale man with short white-blond hair and a prosthetic on his lower left arm.

"Manu." Bilbo greeted, and the man nodded in reply.

"Hi Susan!" Frodo chirped and hugged the husky, who covered his face in doggy kisses. "Ew!"

Bilbo chuckled at the interaction as another memory jumped to the front of his mind. The one when he had met Manu Azon Bennet and his son for the first time.

_Memory _

_"It's so good to see you two again!" Bilbo gushed while giving the large white dog Arwen had brought out of the back a friendly scratch on the chin._

_"And you as well." Aragorn agreed._

_"I'm surprised Father never told you." Arwen mused._

_"One life changing surprise at a time I suppose." Bilbo shrugged._

_And then the door opened. Bilbo turned to see a tall man with pale skin and very short white blond hair. Two ragged scars traveled down his lower right cheek, no lower left arm, but a prosthetic instead, and piercing blue eyes. With him was a young boy who looked to be around age 8. He had the same pale skin and white blond hair as the man he was with, but had scars on the upper left side of his face, including the one that went through his left eye, rendering him blind in that eye._

_Bilbo immediately knew that he had just met Azog and his son Bolg. Judging by the widening of the man's eyes, Azog's reincarnation knew who he was as well, while Bolg just looked at him curiously. Finally Azog cleared his throat._

_"Is Susan ready?" Azog asked._

_"Yes Mr. Bennet, she is." Arwen spoke, her still elven sounding voice calming them all. "Healthy, vaccinated, and has had her microchip implanted in case she ever gets lost."_

_"Thank you." Azog nodded, his eyes flicking nervously between Bilbo and Susan._

_Bilbo swallowed nervously when a doggie whine caught his attention. Looking down, he saw the husky, Susan, looking at him with sad eyes because he had stopped scratching her. With a sigh, Bilbo gave her a quick rub behind her ears._

_"Alright Miss Bossy, there you go." Bilbo said, finding himself hopelessly unable to deny the large white dog that behaved like a puppy a good petting._

_Susan gave him a commanding back when he stopped, but Bilbo just gave her an unimpressed look, one that he often gave Frodo when he caught the young lad in the cookie jar when he was supposed to be in bed. The dog let out a huff before Bolg came over and gave her a huge hug, which made him squeal as he earned doggie kisses in returned. Bilbo risked a glance at Azog and found the soft look he knew that he wore himself whenever he looked at Frodo._

_"Could we talk?" Bilbo asked the pale man quietly._

_Azog studied him carefully for a moment, and nodded. After paying the vet bill, both cars drove to a nearby pet park that was rarely used by anyone. Once there, Susan and Bolg ran off to play fetch with Susan's favorite Frisbee._

_"You remember." Bilbo stated flatly once Bolg was out of hearing range._

_"Yes." Azog replied in the same tone. "I'm trying to leave it behind me, but it's not easy when talking of a past life gets you in a mental institution these days."_

_"Try Cate Blanchett." Bilbo advised. "She was in Middle-Earth as well."_

_"I will." Azog nodded. "Can I ask for your name, hobbit?"_

_"William Robert." Bilbo replied. "Can I ask for yours?"_

_"Manu Azon Bennet." Azog- no, Manu, (he's trying to leave Middle-Earth in Middle-Earth), replied._

_Bilbo immediately noted that the man had told him his last name. Probably so he could run a background check and befriend him on Facebook all in the same day._

_"I assume you wish to be called Manu." Bilbo stated, and received a nod in reply. "And your son?"_

_"Lawrence Bolton Bennet." Manu replied._

_In that moment, both came to a silent and mutual agreement that they would never speak of their past lives and what they had done during said lifetime. Bilbo hummed. He knew that the two of them would probably never be best buddies, but if Manu was serious about leaving his past life behind him, maybe they could be friends._

_End Memory _

Six months after they first met Bilbo told Manu his last name and introduced him to Frodo. Manu called the next day asking Bilbo if he could watch Lawrence while he worked his shift at Wal-Mart. It was the first of many and had lasted for several years until Manu had gotten a new job.

"How's the modeling?" Bilbo asked, trying to ease the death glare he somehow knew Dís was sending the once Gundabad Orc.

Dís blinked in shock. Modeling? Well, Manu did have the face for it, (the scars on his right cheek made him look weirdly handsome), and probably the body under his autumn coat, even if the lack of skin and hair pigmentation would be hard to work with… But that didn't mean that she was going to trust him any time soon.

"Hard." Manu groaned. "I'm being mobbed by my 'most devoted fans' whenever I go somewhere. 'Obsessed fans' is more like it."

"Now, now…" Bilbo's shoulders shook as he tried to keep himself from laughing at the devastated look on his face. "I'm sure it's only temporary."

"Ha." Manu laughed weakly. "I can't believe I listen to your suggestion to try out for America's Next Top Model."

"I can't either." Bilbo grinned back, obviously unashamed at the suggestion to this friend. "I also can't believe you won Cycle 83."

"Manu… Bennet?" Dís asked, and Manu winced.

"Please don't tell me you're going to suddenly strip me of my clothes and leave me naked in the middle of the pet park while you sell my clothes on E-Bay?" Manu asked, and rather looking rather pitifully as he said it at that.

Dís blinked in shock. That had actually happened? As Manu's face twisted into a humorless smile, she realized that she had spoken out loud. Damn it!

"Desirae!" Belladonna scolded, her fingers planted firmly in Frodo's ears. "There are young ears listening here!"

"Oops." Dís cringed at her words and the look coming from the woman old enough to be her mother.

"Be glad she hasn't broken the soap out." Bilbo added. "I oughta know."

"But you never say bad words Papa." Frodo said with a confused look, having shook his grandmother's fingers loose from his ears.

"You should have seen me in my late teen years." Bilbo chuckled with a weak smile. "I was quite the rebel at that age."

"Only because you didn't know how to cope with your father's death." Belladonna added gently.

Bilbo sighed and nodded. Last lifetime, his parents were killed by the wolves that managed to dig their way into Bag End. Bungo and Belladonna fought off the wolves, but later perished because of their injuries. Bilbo had become a recluse until Gandalf came back into his life with 13 dwarves.

This life time, Robert Baggins fell ill with pneumonia, and didn't recover. Bilbo didn't know how to cope with his mother nearly hovering over him, so he had acted out. It stopped after he had cussed at her and she washed his mouth out with soap. After, the two went to a therapist named Cate Blanchett, whom Bilbo now knew was Galadriel reborn, and she helped them get back on track again.

"How Lawrence?" Bilbo changed the subject.

"Okay." Manu nodded. "Would rather be called 'Larry' right now, so we're going to give it a try."

"I told you he was a 'Larry'." Frodo giggled.

"That you did little man, that you did." Manu nodded solemnly before the two started laughing.

Dís… was in shock. Did the now man not know that he had once been a Gundabad Orc? If so, she was judging him for something that he had once been many years ago, and not who he was now. She immediately felt bad, (a little), and vowed not to pass judgment until she knew Manu Bennet better.

That is, if she could keep her temper in check long enough to be around him.

 ~

More who characters are in modern times- and who they were in Middle-Earth

Liv Halfelfen- Arwen

Viggo Athelas- Aragorn

Beorn the Irish Wolfhound- Beorn the Skinchanger

Dáin the Scottish Deerhound- Dáin Ironfoot

Susan the Husky- Azog's warg mount

Manu Azon Bennet- Azog

Lawrence (Larry) Bolton Bennet- Bolg

Robert Baggins- Bungo Baggins

Cate Blanchett- Galadriel

~

I will be calling Azog and Bolg by Manu and Lawrence (Larry) instead of Azog and Bolg. Why? They don't want their past lives associated with their current lives and would rather leave every bit that they can behind them, including their past names.

Why yes, I did shamelessly add American's Next Top Model to my fic. They're only in the mid-20s in terms of cycles/seasons, so having Manu win a cycle/season that may never even happen seemed like a safe bet to me so no one will say, "Hey, so-in-so won that cycle! I love that person! How dare you!".

 ~

_Ages_

Belladonna was almost 19 years old when she gave birth to Bilbo (18 years and 11 3/4 months). She is currently 48.

Bilbo was 21 when he gave birth to Frodo. He is currently 29, Frodo is currently 7.

Thorin was 24 when Bilbo gave birth to Frodo. He is currently 32.

Dís was 19 when she gave birth to Fíli and 21 when she gave birth to Kíli. She is 1 year and 11 1/2 months younger than Thorin, and is currently 30. Fíli is currently 10, Kíli is currently 8.

Frerin is 1 year and 1 month younger than Thorin. He is currently 31.

Manu (Azog) was 19 when his girlfriend gave birth to Larry (Bolg). Manu is currently 31, Larry is currently 12.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Manu and Larry (Azog and Bolg) are friends in this fic, not mortal enemies.
> 
> Do you still like it? Want more? Want me to stop? (PLEASE NO!)
> 
> Let me know what you thought.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> William Robert Baggins has a secret. He was once a hobbit, and re-wrote his story for the modern day world, hoping that his dwarves had been reincarnated as well. 
> 
> Richard Thorne Durin had been looking for his burglar for 10 years. He found him once 8 years ago, but the once hobbit had not remembered his past life, so the once dwarf left. 4 years after that meeting, he wished he hadn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright people, here is the third chapter! Thank you to everyone who had commented, kudosed, and bookmarked my story! I feel loved here! 
> 
> This show is moving along now, Bilbo challenges someone to a game of riddles, so hold onto your hobbits! 
> 
> (Thorin has claimed Bilbo, so he's not available)
> 
> I don't own 'The Hobbit'. Enjoy!

"Nori, I need you to look up a couple of names for me." Dís immediately go to the point as to why she was there to see the ex-thief.

"Names?" Nori asked, immediately interested.

Dís had gone straight to Nori, the top hacker for Erebor Enterprises, (hacking into other people's files and keeping them from getting hacked). She had dropped Dáin off back home with Víli and the boys, saying that she had some errands to run, alone. Her mind was whirling with thoughts of her latest encounter. While she wanted to give Manu and his son, Larry, a chance, she didn't know what type of history either of them had. Did some of their violent orc tendencies from their past lives unknowingly carry over?

"Manu Bennet and Lawrence Bennet." Dís replied. "I don't know their ages, but apparently Manu won some type of modeling contest recently."

"Never knew you were into models." Nori smirked as his fingers flew.

"I'm not." Dís said shortly.

"Oh." Nori's eyes went wide.

Dís walked around the desk to look at the computer and saw that he had been brought to a modeling website, and had found a picture of Manu Bennet. Nori's lips pursed and he began to search more intently, hacking into one database and then another faster than Dís could figure out where he was.

"Manu Azon Bennet." Nori read a print off on his info. "Age: 31, Height: 6' 0", Blood Type: O Negative. Joined the military out of high school and served 4 years, apparently to pay for college. That changed when he got his almost 4 year old son he didn't know he had with his high school sweetheart, who's addicted to drugs and alcohol. Lost his lower left arm in a car accident 7 years ago in the Midwest, also where he got the scars on the right side of his face. The other driver was drunk and struck him and his kid."

"What drunk driver?" Thorin asked from the doorway.

"Brother." Dís inhaled slowly and let out a sharp exhale. "You should look at this."

Nori passed Manu's information to the CEO and his boss, and Thorin looked it over. His eyes widened in shock before being replaced with anger, and then his emotions changed between anger, remaining calm, understanding on a certain level, and sympathy when reading about the crash. The once dwarf took a few deep breaths to steady himself. Part of him had really hoped that he would never have to encounter Azog or Bolg ever again… but from what he had read, the once orcs didn't lean towards their past lives.

"Anything else?" Thorin asked.

"Mr. Bennet's college money went to providing for him and his son, whom he pulled from public school after kindergarten and has homeschooled ever since." Nori picked up. "Got a day job as a cashier at Wal-Mart, (poor sap), and often asks one of his neighbors to babysit/home school while he works. Entered Cycle 83 of America's Next Top Model a year ago, and won. He now models and takes his son with him on location when he leaves town."

"And what about his son?" Dís asked.

"Born John Harley Stevens, name changed to Lawrence Bolton Bennet at age 4 when his dad got custody from his mom." Nori skimmed his other file of info. "Because his mom drank and did drugs while pregnant he has issues seeing with his right eye, some random attitude outbursts, and the occasional seizure that is mostly under control with medicine."

"What was that bitch thinking?" Dís grumbled, angry that the woman had abused herself and unborn baby the way she had.

"She wasn't." Thorin replied flatly, although he thinking the same as his sister.

"Age: 12, Current Height: 4' 6", Blood Type: O Positive." Nori continued. "Car accident at age 5, right before school started, and lost his sight in his left eye due to glass piercing said eye and left some other scars on his face as well. Didn't manage kindergarten to well due to ridicule from the other kids and staff, and ended up being pulled by his father to be homeschooled. Has a white female husky named Susan registered as his seeing eye dog."

"What brought all of this on?" Thorin asked, tearing his eyes away from both of the print outs of info.

Dís bit her lip and wondered if telling her brother how she had met Manu was the right thing to do. Thorin would blow a gasket, no doubt, and they didn't need a media scandal because Thorin's old temper got the better of him. But… honesty was valued above all else in their family.

"I met Manu and Susan the dog at the pet park today." Dís replied.

"And he…" Thorin managed to ask, hardly keeping his anger in due to his baby sister having been so close to the once orc.

"Was chasing Susan." Dís replied as humor danced across her face. "Susan the husky, whom I believe was his warg mount, was chasing a cat up a tree."

"Not good behavior for a seeing eye dog." Nori snorted.

"I think she was off duty." Dís sighed. "His son was resting on the other side of the park, her harness next to him on the bench."

"And Azog…" Thorin prompted.

"Bantered with a young man that was there, said young man apparently was the one who encouraged him to try out modeling in the first place." Dís hummed. "He was also there with his mother, Bella, I told you about her and her big black dog right?"

"Fíli and Kíli told me." Thorin replied as his face twisted into a smile.

His nephews had been so excited the day they had ran up to him after they had been to a pet park with Dáin and met a huge black dog under the ownership of Ms. Isabelle-just-call-me-Bella. The two women had hit it off and the boys had a fun time playing chase, hide and seek, and fetch with the Irish Deerhound until it was time to head for home.

"Right." Dís nodded. "Bella's son, William, was there with his son, Elijah, and Elijah's cat, Sméagol, who was apparently named by little Elijah. Oh, and Elijah insisted that we all go to the Harvest Festival with them in a few weeks."

The Harvest Festival was a huge deal for their city. It was basically the County Fair combined with Halloween. Food, games, prizes, food, costumes, rides, food, haunted houses, contests, food, produce judging, a petting zoo, food, merchants selling crafts and other items, family and friends, and had food been mentioned?

"Good thing my schedules already cleared." Thorin commented.

"You actually cleared your schedule?" Nori asked in disbelief.

"When it comes to my family…" Thorin didn't need to finish the sentence.

"Just don't get lost this time." Dís smirked.

"Why do you think I have my GPS?" Thorin shot back.

~

"He's late." Kíli huffed.

Dís was waiting at the front gate with her boys, husband, other brother, ("Frerin, stop flirting with the ticket booth lady! She's got a ring on her finger!"), and was waiting for Thorin to arrive. Bella had showed up but had left with him a few minutes later when she got a text from her son. The poor boy got saddled with two of his younger cousins and the neighbor's young boy as well as his own that evening, and needed some help corralling them towards the entrance.

_-PING!-_

The announcement a text message on Dís' phone made her laugh. It was probably Thorin asking for directions. Of course, when she actually looked at the message… it was hilarious. Bella had taken a picture of grumpy Thorin wandering the Harvest Festival parking lot and sent it to her. The caption underneath read: " _Does tall, dark, and brooding belong with you?_ "

_-PING!-_

The next message was from Thorin. " _Some strange woman just took my picture and keeps giggling as she glances at me._ "

Dís absolutely howled in laughter. Of course, that made Frerin and Víli grab at her phone so they could look at her messages. The picture, and Thorin's message, sent them off as well, and once explained to young Fíli and Kíli… yeah. They got some very strange looks from the other families that were heading into the festival.

"Look what I found!" Belladonna called as she waltzed over with Thorin.

"Tall, dark, and brooding does belong with us." Dís grinned, and the males in the group, minus Thorin, nearly fell over with laughter. "Where's William?"

"He's at the _other_ entrance on the side of the festival with Manu and Larry." Bella chuckled as she shook her head, not really noticing how Thorin had stiffened up when the man and his son were mentioned. "We never confirmed which of the two entrances that we would meet at, just that we would meet at an entrance."

"Oops." Dís shook her head.

"Uncle!" Fíli and Kíli bolted forward and attached themselves to Thorin's legs.

"What's this?" Thorin looked down, pretending that he had never seen the two before. "Some sort of vegetable alien mutant?"

"No!" Kíli half-screamed, half-giggled.

"Are you sure?" Thorin asked as he tickled his brown haired nephew. "You look like brown pear."

"They must be." Frerin added as he scooped Fíli off of Thorin's leg and put him on his shoulders. "This one looks like corn."

"You look like corn to!" Fíli shot back, tugging at his uncle's golden mane of hair.

"Children." Bella scolded, and they settled down. "I want to find my boy before he gets worn out and heads home early."

"Yes, let's head in." Dís agreed.

Thorin took a deep breath and looked at the entrance to the festival. Somewhere, in there, was the reincarnation of Azog and his son. Manu Bennet and Lawrence Bennet had done nothing to him, so he would keep his temper under control and not doing anything rash that would harm them or him… Yet.

' _Ready or not_.' Thorin thought.

~

"Papa, look!" Frodo giggled in delight.

"I'm currently looking at Merry and Pippin's feet." Bilbo replied.

The seven year old turned to see that Bilbo had fallen, most likely tripped by his overly excited cousins. Sam and Susan were giving them a scolding look, and Larry was trying to focus what sight he had left on Bilbo's fallen form. Manu placed both of his hands on Merry and Pippin's shoulders, and gave them a stern look that he rarely ever wore. Merry and Pippin cringed and helped Bilbo sit up so he could stand up.

"Sorry cousin." Merry and Pippin said in unison.

"Forgiven." Bilbo nodded. "Now, what did you want me to see, my lad?"

"That!" Frodo pointed.

Bilbo laughed. Frodo was pointing to a Riddle Booth, run by Green Forest Publishing. The goal was to out-riddle the person there, but so far, no one had managed. When Alfred Lickspittle grinned out at the crowd, Bilbo was hooked. Sending a quick text message to him mother to let her know where they were, he rolled up his sleeves, marched over, and slapped down the necessary fee to play the game.

"Let's get this show on the road." Bilbo said to the greasy man. "Give me your best shot."

" _What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs in the evening?_ " Alfred asked.

"Easy." Bilbo snorted. "Man. He crawls on all fours as a baby, then walks on two feet as an adult, and then uses cane as an old man. Better luck next time, Sphinx."

Alfred hummed. The idea of the booth was to start with a riddle that nearly everyone knew and then make them harder as the game went on.

" _What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?_ " Bilbo tested.

"A towel." Alfred replied easily. " _Which word in the dictionary is spelled incorrectly?_ "

"Incorrectly." Bilbo snickered. "Incorrectly is spelled: i-n-c-o-r-r-e-c-t-l-y. Next riddle. _What kind of room has no doors or windows?_ "

"A mushroom." Alfred said after having to think about that one for a few seconds. " _What gets broken without being held?_ "

"Hm." Bilbo hummed as he thought about that one for a moment. "A promise."

Manu chuckled at the look on Alfred's face. Apparently he hadn't gotten challenged like this before, and it was making him uncomfortable that someone could keep pace and fire back as fast as he could.

" _Box without hinges, key, or lid. Yet golden treasure inside is hid._ " Bilbo recited, making all of the once hobbits giggle.

"Uh…" Alfred drew a blank and started to panic. "It's ah… it's… um…"

"He's stuck Papa." Frodo giggled.

"I can see that, my lad." Bilbo replied.

"Eggs." Alfred barked out. " _You use me from your head to your toes, but the more that I work, the thinner I grow._ "

"Soap." Bilbo replied and started his next riddle. " _Feed me and I live, yet give me a drink and I die._ "

Alfred blinked and had to think, but he did come up with the answer. Eventually.

"Fire." Alfred grinned, showing his awful teeth.

"Yes." Bilbo wrinkled his nose at the fowl smelling breath.

"What a pity." Alfred snickered. " _There was a green house. Inside the green house there was a white house. Inside the white house there was a red house. Inside the red house there were lots of babies. What is it?_ "

"A watermelon." Bilbo, Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin all replied flatly.

Alfred growled. Most people would have been stumped by that one, but this man was good. Very good. He was possibly even better than he was. He couldn't let this punk win. He would get a fair cut from the booth if he out-riddled ever person that came there that night, and now that was at risk.

" _If you have me, you want to share me. If you share me, you haven't got me. What am I?_ " Bilbo quizzed the nervous man.

"A secret." Alfred answered right away, having heard that one that evening already, and decided to go with a trickier one that many people didn't know and got stumped once they heard. " _A girl who was just learning to drive went down a one-way street in the wrong direction, but didn't break the law. How come?_ "

"She was walking." Bilbo yawned. " _Who makes it, has no need of it. Who buys it, has no use for it. Who uses it can neither see nor feel it. What is it?_ "

"A coffin." Alfred shot out. "So common. _What has one eye but cannot see?_ "

"A needle." Larry piped up, and then remembered the game. "Oops."

"It's alright Larry." Bilbo soothed. "I'll just have to answer another one."

" _Take off my skin, I won't cry. But you will! What am I_?" Alfred interrogated.

"An onion." Bilbo replied easily, wondering why Alfred had given him another food related riddle. " _What is always coming, but never arrives?_ "

"Tomorrow." Alfred snapped. "Time to bring out the heavy weights."

"Oh, be still my quaking legs, I'm going to shake, rattle, and roll out of my shoes." Bilbo drawled back, feigning boredom.

The crowd that had gathered around roared in laughter. Bilbo swore that he heard Bella chortle and comment his wit, most likely to Dís. Good, they could see the rest of the festival after he was done here. Alfred, on the other hand, turned a nasty shade of purple and began his most challenging riddles. And these riddles were one that Bilbo was very familiar with.

Alfred: " _What has roots that nobody sees, is taller than trees,_  
_Up, up, up it goes, and yet never grows?_ "

"A mountain." Bilbo replied easily, briefly wondering how Alfred knew his riddles from his book, and knew that it probably was his ex-publisher, (Stephen Maelstrom Fry aka the Master of Laketown), breaking his contract.

Bilbo: " _Thirty white horses on a red hill._  
_First they champ, then they stamp,_  
_And then they stand still._ "

"Teeth." Alfred snapped back immediately.

Alfred: " _Voiceless it cries, wingless flutters,_  
_Toothless bites, mouthless mutters._ "

"Wind." Bilbo responded in turn.

Bilbo: " _It cannot be seen, cannot be felt, cannot be heard, and cannot be smelt._  
_It lies behind stars and under hills, and empty holes it fills._  
_It comes first and follows after, ends life, kills laughter._ "

"The dark." Alfred was noticeably sweating now, no one had ever lasted this long against him and he was noticeably becoming nastier.

Alfred: " _Alive without breath, as cold as death._  
_Never thirsty, ever drinking, all in mail never clinking_."

"Fish." Bilbo rolled his yes. "That's the third food related riddle, I would have thought that you would have learned by now."

Bilbo: " _This thing all things devours, birds, beasts, trees, flowers._  
_Gnaws iron, bites steel, grinds hard stones to meal._  
_Slays king, ruins town, and beats high mountains down._ "

"Time." Alfred growled.

Alfred: " _When you know me not, I am something._  
_But when you know me, I am nothing._ "

Bilbo growled. His father had told him that one when he was young, but the answer eluded him. Closing his eyes, he shut out the noise of the festival and focused on the man who had once been his father. Not the strongest man in the world, but could hold his own against those who wished to harm him and his family. He had built Bag End with his own two hands, (in both lifetimes), so his beloved Bella would have a place to rest between her travels before leaving again.

A carpenter, husband, father, and well-learned professor who excelled in languages and solving all sorts of problems. He challenged his son, and himself, with riddles as a way for the two to bond with each other, and to help him wind down after a long day.

Wait a moment…

Bilbo's eyes flew open. The sounds of the fair came back, along with the sight of Alfred's ugly face.

"The answer is: A riddle." Bilbo grinned.

Alfred nodded slowly, and the crowd cheered for Bilbo again. Bilbo sighed, and dug deep into his memory for a riddle that he had had heard when he was a hobbit.

Bilbo: " _More precious than gold, but cannot be bought._  
_It can never be sold, but earned if it's sought._  
_Though it can be broken, it still can be mended._  
_At birth it can't start, nor by death is it ended._ "

Bilbo watched as Alfred turned a delightful shade of red, purple, and finally settled on a shade of pale that made him look like a ghost. He dimly heard Dís talking with his mother in the background, but it was more amusing to watch the man in front of his start to sputter as he tried to solve the riddle.

"Diamonds are more precious the gold… but they can be bought and sold." Alfred muttered out loud as he tried to solve the riddle. "Strength and health can't be bought or sold… but they start and end with birth and death."

"Do you give up?" Bilbo asked.

"Never!" Alfred snarled. "It's obvious. The answer to your riddle is: Nothing!"

"Wrong." Bilbo grinned, and the crowd cheered at his win.

"What?!" Alfred screeched.

"I would have taken three things as the answer." Bilbo replied. "The first: Friendship. Second: Trust. And the third and final was…"

Bilbo was suddenly aware of a presence behind him. Before he could turn around and see who it was, someone had wrapped their arms around him, holding him firmly against their chest. Bilbo turned his head and was greeted with the sight of black hair. His nostrils flared as he took in the stranger's scent, a combination of metal and fire, and of a pipe-weed from an age gone by, Southlinch.

Even after all his years, only one person, one _dwarf_ , had ever smelled like that.

"Love." Thorin whispered into Bilbo's ear.

 ~

More who they are in Modern Times and- who they were in Middle-Earth

Alfred Lickspittle- Alfrid Lickspittle

Stephen Maelstrom Fry- The Master of Laketown (I think I mentioned him already, but whatever)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And cliffhanger! 
> 
> I'm suck a stinker. Thorin and Bilbo are officially reunited next chapter though, which I will try to write up and post as soon as I can! 
> 
> What did you think? Good? Bad? Flames? Cookies?
> 
> Please, cookies!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> William Robert Baggins has a secret. He was once a hobbit, and re-wrote his story for the modern day world, hoping that his dwarves had been reincarnated as well. 
> 
> Richard Thorne Durin had been looking for his burglar for 10 years. He found him once 8 years ago, but the once hobbit had not remembered his past life, so the once dwarf left. 4 years after that meeting, he wished he hadn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay people, here's your next chapter! You can thank Daisy Took (phoenixdaisy) for the idea for this chapter! 
> 
> And thanks for the cookies, (and tarts, Lady_Nerd)! 
> 
> Get ready for Thorin's Point of View of Bilbo's riddle game!

Thorin groaned.

This was why he despised going to festivals. He always ended up as the one who carried all of the prizes that Fíli and Kíli, and the occasional Dís, won at the booths. It wouldn't be so bad it they carried what they had won, but Fíli was a bit too small to haul around the 4 ft. tall stuffed Baymax character from _Big Hero Six_.

So he got to do it.

"Oh, stop your grousing." Dís scolded him as she checked her latest text message. "Dwalin and Balin will be here soon, so you can dump Baymax on Dwalin and have him take him out to the car."

"And then I'll have to carry the Nemo that Kíli will win." Thorin shot back. "And why can't Víli or Frerin be the ones to do this?"

"Because those two keep dropping the prizes." Dís replied. "Duh."

"On purpose." Thorin growled. "Duh."

"What's on purpose?" Dwalin asked as he and Balin finally elbowed their way through the crowd.

"Take this." Thorin responded.

Dwalin grunted in shock as he suddenly had his arms full of a huge and squishy Baymax. Balin just chuckled at his brother's expression while Dís snapped a picture to put on her Facebook page. The glare Dwalin sent to Thorin would have killed even the strongest of men, but Thorin had grown up with the look, (in two lifetimes), and was therefore, unaffected.

"You're dead." Dwalin stated flatly.

"Oh, so you would prefer it if I added Dís' flower crown?" Thorin replied with a smirk.

Dwalin turned his head so fast he gave the innocent bystanders watching him whiplash. The garland of real roses and baby's breath sat innocently on the female Durin's head, just waiting to decorate the bald head of the male Durin if he got out of control.

"I'll be back." Dwalin grunted and walked away with Baymax.

Bella's phone chimed, and the woman raised it up. With a grin, she sent a reply and put her cell back in her pocket. She turned to the remaining group with a grin.

"They're at the riddle booth." Bella chirped happily. "I should have known, really. My Billy-boo is just like his father, both loving riddles."

"Billy-boo?" Kíli asked.

"Your parents don't have any embarrassing nicknames for you or your brother?" Bella inquired back.

"We have nicknames, just not embarrassing ones." Fíli replied.

"Our little lion and little wolf." Víli said proudly.

" _Take off my skin, I won't cry. But you will! What am I_?"

Thorin and Balin stiffened. They knew that voice. Alfred Lickspittle, the Master of Laketown's old assistant. It sounded like he was interrogating some poor soul.

"An onion."

Thorin froze. He knew that voice. The crowd seemed to part, and there he was. Dark golden hair that wasn't as long as it was when he was a hobbit, but still not a buzz cut, and it still naturally curled. His face was healthy and filled, not hollowed and pale like it had been at Erebor. And he was engaged in a game of riddles against Alfred Lickspittle. Bella's son had sent a text saying he was at the riddle booth. Bella's son was Bilbo.

"Oh good, we're here." Bella hummed happily.

Thorin didn't reply as he slowly moved closer. He couldn't take his eyes off of Bilbo, who had launched his next riddle against the dour man.

" _What is always coming, but never arrives?_ " Bilbo questioned.

' _Tomorrow_.' Thorin thought.

At Beorn's house, oh so long ago when the land was known as Middle-Earth, Bilbo took Thorin aside and asked if he could look at his wounds. Naturally, Thorin said that he didn't need any treatment, the prideful dwarf that he once was. Apparently Bilbo had expected this, and offered to tell what had truly happened to him in the Goblin Tunnels in exchange.

Bilbo's tale and wit had sparked Thorin's interest in the small creature in a way he hadn't thought was possible. It had led to the two of them exchanging riddles every time the hobbit checked the teeth punctures from Azog's warg, and then for about an hour in the evenings, even after his wound healed.

"Tomorrow." Alfred snapped at his Bilbo. "Time to bring out the heavy weights."

Thorin nearly lost himself and would have stepped forward to punch the dour man right in the nose if Balin hadn't been holding him back. And also because Bilbo could take an insult and throw them right back 10 times as worse.

"Oh, be still my quaking legs, I'm going to shake, rattle, and roll out of my shoes." Bilbo drawled.

The crowd that had gathered around roared in laughter. Thorin let out a soft chuckle, but it was drowned out by Bella chortling. She made a comment about her son's wit, but Thorin didn't catch what she said, or what Dís said in reply. His attention was on Alfred, who had turned a nasty shade of purple, before launching his 'heavyweight' riddles. Ones that Bilbo and Thorin were very familiar with.

Alfred: " _What has roots that nobody sees, is taller than trees,  
_ _Up, up, up it goes, and yet never grows?_ "

"A mountain." Bilbo replied easily.

Thorin noted the brief look of curiosity before it was replaced with anger. Thorin felt angry as well. J.R.R Tolkien's next book was due to come out in less than a week. Because Orlando Leggett Oropherilion, (Thranduil's son, Legolas), was in the same classes as Gimli, and because Thorin had met the ex-elf at a Parent-Teacher conference, Thorin knew how much the man grumbled about having the Master of Laketown working for Green Forest Publishing, and had also been the previous person to work with the mysterious writer of Middle-Earth. It Alfred had worked with the ex-Master of Laketown, who had shared everything rumor worthy, along with legal and illegal dealings, with the swine, it was no wonder that wonder how Alfred knew the riddles from his book. He was breaking his Confidentiality Contract with Bilbo.

Bilbo's expression had changed to calculating, like he was trying to figure out if he wanted to test a theory that he had. Of course, he tested the theory.

Bilbo: " _Thirty white horses on a red hill.  
_ _First they champ, then they stamp,  
_ _And then they stand still._ "

"Teeth." Alfred snapped back immediately.

Thorin growled, but only one person heard it.

"Easy lad." Balin said. "I've got Dís recording all this right now. And I'm calling the festival security so they can reach Thranduil. He won't be pleased about one of his confidentiality contracts being broken in a very public place."

Thorin nodded, his eyes still fixed on Bilbo. A dog whine to his right made him look down, prepared to see Dáin begging him for treats. To his surprise, it was a large white husky wearing a harness for someone who had a vision impairment or was permanently blind. She whined at him again once she saw that his attention was on her.

"Susan." the young pre-teen holding her harness scolded, giving it a small tug. "Sit. And leave the person you're begging at alone."

Alfred: " _Voiceless it cries, wingless flutters,  
_ _Toothless bites, mouthless mutters._ "

Thorin only dimly heard the riddle that Alfred had directed at Bilbo. There was a roaring sound in his ears as he stared at the young man next to him. Pale skin and white blond hair, and scars on his upper left face, including across his left eye, rendering it sightless. Bolg… Lawrence Bennet.

"Wind." Bilbo's response to 'Alfred's' riddle sounded far away at that point, like he was calling to him from across a canyon.

Swallowing, Thorin glanced back down at Susan, who had sat down and was now pretending to grumble and huff at the 'unfair' treatment. His lips twitched into a smile, having seen Dáin do the same thing so many times. When he looked back up, his eyes connected with bright and piercing blue eyes. Thorin's breath left him in a rush. He and Azog… Manu Bennet, stared at each other for what seemed to be an eternity.

Bilbo: " _It cannot be seen, cannot be felt, cannot be heard, and cannot be smelt.  
_ _It lies behind stars and under hills, and empty holes it fills.  
_ _It comes first and follows after, ends life, kills laughter._ "

Looking closely, Thorin realized that Manu was nervous about meeting him, and the family he had behind him. His hands were twitching towards his son, like he wanted to pull him behind him and shield him from any attacks, verbal or physical, that got directed at them. His lips were pinched and his worry for his son's safety was very obvious.

"The dark." Alfred was noticeably sweating now, no one had ever lasted this long against him and he was noticeably becoming nastier.

Finally, Thorin took a deep breath and gave the man a single nod. Manu returned the nod, relief filtering across his face. A mutual agreement now stood between the two. No bringing up past grievances. Both then turned their attention back to the game.

Alfred: " _Alive without breath, as cold as death.  
_ _Never thirsty, ever drinking, all in mail never clinking_."

"Fish." Bilbo rolled his yes. "That's the third food related riddle, I would have thought that you would have learned by now."

"At least fried onions and fish go together good." Thorin muttered, making Manu and Larry snort and chuckle/giggle. "What was the third food item?"

"Watermelon." Manu replied.

"The side dish." Larry said, still giggling, and provoking chuckles from Thorin.

Bilbo: " _This thing all things devours, birds, beasts, trees, flowers.  
_ _Gnaws iron, bites steel, grinds hard stones to meal.  
_ _Slays king, ruins town, and beats high mountains down._ "

"Nice dog." Kíli said, looking at Susan from the other side of Thorin's legs, Fíli right behind him.

Larry turned his head towards the boy's voice. Fíli and Kíli stiffened when they realized who he was, but calmed down when Thorin ran his hand threw their hair and gave a small nod with a soft smile.

"Thanks." Larry responded with a small smile. "You can pet her, but briefly. She still has a job to do."

"Okay." Fíli nodded.

"Time." Alfred growled.

Thorin and Manu helped introduce the boys to Susan, who smelled their hands and let them scratch her behind the ears. After making sure they were content, and that Dís knew not to panic, Thorin turned his attention back to the game of riddles.

Alfred: " _When you know me not, I am something.  
_ _But when you know me, I am nothing._ "

Bilbo growled. Thorin winced. He didn't know that one. Bilbo closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Thorin recognized the action. The once hobbit was attempting to shut out the noise of the festival and focused on the riddle. Thorin hoped it worked and that the answer would come to him soon.

"Tough one." Bella muttered as she watched her boy. "My husband stumped him with this one for a long time when he was young."

Thorin watched as Bilbo slowly relaxed. The tension that had been in his shoulders disappeared, and his hands unclenched. A twitch of his nose, a gesture that was so familiar and right to see him do, Bilbo's eyes shot open. The sounds and sights of the fair became known to him once again, along with the horrid sight of Alfred's ugly features. Thorin felt bad that it was the first thing Bilbo had to see, but felt a touch better when he saw the once hobbit put on a frightening grin.

"The answer is: A riddle." Bilbo beamed.

Alfred nodded slowly, and the crowd cheered for Bilbo again. Thorin exhaled in relief and clapped along with his family. And then he had to clamp his hands down on Fíli and Kíli's shoulders to keep them from running up to Bilbo.

"Excuse me." a little boy's voice said, and Thorin turned and looked down.

The boy looked to be about six or seven years old. He had Bilbo's curly hair and wide eyes, but that was where the noticeable similarities ended. Instead of Bilbo's color of dark gold, this child's hair was raven black, and had sapphire blue eyes with small specks of hazel. Thorin knelt down so he could be eye level with the boy.

"Yes?" Thorin asked gently.

"How do you know Grandma Bella?" the child asked.

"She met my sister at the pet park with our dog, Dáin." Thorin replied.

"I remember Dáin." the boy perked up. "I'm Elijah. Elijah Frode Baggins. I asked your sister if she would come to the festival with us."

Thorin couldn't respond. Elijah _Frode Baggins_. It was too much to not be a coincidence. Elijah looked like a perfect mix of himself and Bilbo, he had the same last name as the hobbit burglar had in his last lifetime, and Frod _e_ sounded too much like Frod _o_ to not be a coincident. Apparently when he had met Bilbo eight years ago at that bar and left the motel by himself, he had left something else that was to be just as valued and loved as Bilbo himself.

Bilbo: " _More precious than gold, but cannot be bought.  
_ _It can never be sold, but earned if it's sought.  
_ _Though it can be broken, it still can be mended.  
_ _At birth it can't start, nor by death is it ended._ "

Thorin nearly choked, and faintly heard Dís, Frerin, and Víli gasp as well. His memory brought him back to Beorn's gardens. It had been Thorin's turn to share a riddle, and he wanted one that was a stumper. After half a minute of silence, he recalled one that his mother had shared with him shortly before her death on the Plains of Dunland. Bilbo had come up with two other answers to the riddle. At first, the dwarf had started to deny the answers, but when he thought about it, he realized that the hobbit was actually right.

The riddle that an exiled dwarf king once shared with a hobbit far from his home had just been recited by a reincarnated Bilbo Baggins to Alfred Lickspittle.

"Are you okay?" Elijah Baggins asked Thorin.

Thorin rubbed his beard as he nodded, trying to blink back tears. He Dís and Bella speaking to him, asking if he was alright. He could also hear Alfred muttering to himself in the background, trying to solve the riddle. But none of what was being said actually registered, not even when Fíli and Kíli started pulling at his hair, or when Manu asked if he should get a cup of water and ice to pour down the back of his shirt, leading to an embarrassed exclamation from Larry and a confirmation from Dís.

"Do you give up?" Bilbo asked, his voice breaking through Thorin's foggy muddle.

Thorin lurched back to his feet, and a cup of ice water appeared in front of his nose. His eyes went up the arm to seen Manu with a sheepish and mischievous grin that he had often seen on his brother, brother-in-law, and nephews. And his sister as well. Then his mind registered Manu asking if he should get a cup of water and Dís sending him off.

"Very funny Dís." Thorin grumbled, making everyone chuckle as Thorin took the cup and gulped down some of the water.

"Never!" Alfred snarled, oblivious to the near breakdown that had almost happened near the booth. "It's obvious. The answer to your riddle is: Nothing!"

"Wrong." Thorin whispered.

"Wrong." Bilbo echoed Thorin as he grinned.

The crowd cheered at Bilbo's win. Fíli and Kíli were bouncing with excitement, and Elijah was cheering and jumping up and down with three other boys that looked to be about his age. Thorin chuckled and stepped away from the group, heading towards Bilbo, whose attention was on Alfred's purple/red/pale colored face.

"What?!" Alfred screeched.

"I would have taken three things as the answer." Bilbo replied to the noise. "The first: Friendship. Second: Trust. And the third and final was…"

Bilbo froze, as if he was suddenly aware of Thorin's presence behind him. Before the once hobbit could turn around and see who it was, Thorin wrapped his arms around him, and held him firmly against his chest. Bilbo turned his head, trying to see who it was and got an eyeful of Thorin's black beard. Thorin pressed his nose to Bilbo's golden curls to inhale his scent, a combination honey, mint, and of Bilbo's favorite pipe-weed from so long ago, Old Toby.

Even after all these years, only Bilbo had ever smelled like that.

"Love." Thorin whispered into Bilbo's ear.

~

Only one who they are now in Modern Time and- who they were in Middle-Earth

Orlando Leggett Oropherilion- Legolas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still feel evil ending it there again. -shrugs- 
> 
> Oh well. Next chapter those two are going to have a nice long talk. Let the Bagginshield re-begin!
> 
> Again, thanks for the cookies from last chapter!
> 
> Like? Hate? Kudos?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> William Robert Baggins has a secret. He was once a hobbit, and re-wrote his story for the modern day world, hoping that his dwarves had been reincarnated as well. 
> 
> Richard Thorne Durin had been looking for his burglar for 10 years. He found him once 8 years ago, but the once hobbit had not remembered his past life, so the once dwarf left. 4 years after that meeting, he wished he hadn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And in this chapter they will all live happily ever after, the end.
> 
> I'm not satisfied with this chapter, I'm really not. But I've been re-writing and fighting with it for 3 weeks now. It's as good as it's going to get… for now. Maybe one day I'll go back and redo the second half, (after the Harvest Festival), but I'm all burnt out right now, so enjoy what you've gotten.
> 
> I don't own 'The Hobbit'. What I'm doing to the story characters is probably making J.R.R Tolkien roll in his grave in horror.

Bilbo's voice had failed him. Of all the times for his vocal cords to cease working, it had to be now? Still, that didn't stop him from wiggling enough for the man holding him to loosen his grip enough so he could turn and look at him properly.

Deep pools of sapphire blue looked back at him. His raven black hair had no silver streaks in it, and was only about shoulder length, but Bilbo wasn't sure of the exact length because it was tied back into a low ponytail. His beard was about the length it had been in Middle-Earth, (might be off by a couple of centimeters, but who cares?) The nose, forehead, skin tone, hair texture, (when had he started to play with the loose strand in the front?), eye shaped and color, was all Thorin.

Thorin smiled softly as he gazed into Bilbo's hazel eyes, which were flicking around his face, as if trying to memorize the way he looked. The man's nose had twitched a couple times, that oh-so familiar movement, before his hand came up to gently tuck the strand of hair that had come loose from his hair tie behind his ear. Bilbo's hand ran down his beard before coming to rest on his shoulder.

"I have been looking for you for four years." Thorin whispered. "Ever since your book came out."

Bilbo sighed as his eyes closed and his head came to rest in the crook between Thorin's neck and left shoulder. Right now, he just wanted to shut everything out and breathe in Thorin's scent. Of course, life never went the way he wanted it to lately.

"Hello!" Dís called, making both men groan. "How is it that you two know each other?"

"Sister-" Thorin attempted to speak.

"Mr. Boggins!" Fíli and Kíli squealed as they darted forward and latched themselves to his legs. "It's us Mr. Boggins!"

Bilbo laughed and went to his knees so he could embrace the two boys. He didn't see Dís twitch at the actions, (she had only just met him a few days ago), but Belladonna did. The older woman reached out and caught her by the wrist as she started to walk forward.

"Wait." Bella whispered.

"Why?" Dís hissed back.

"It's so good to see you both again." Bilbo said happily. "Lose any ponies lately?"

"No!" Fíli and Kíli yelled, giggling the whole time.

Dís froze. Fíli and Kíli had lost the ponies while in Middle-Earth. And now that she thought about it, hadn't they said that they accidentally called their burglar 'Mr. Boggins' the first time they met him? And Thorin had walked right up and hugged him…

"The Hobbit Burglar." Dís whispered with a single chuckle.

"NO!" Alfred yelled.

Everyone's head turned to see Lee Thrand Oropherilion sneering at Alfred. He dismissed the man from the booth with a silencing hand. Alfred began to cuss at the man, and in turn, the fair security led him away. Legolas, who had been at his father's side the entire time, stuck his tongue out at the man, making sure that his spit got on the weasel's face.

"That's rather mature." Bilbo noted with a chuckle.

"So much for a peaceful evening." Thranduil sighed before focusing on Bilbo and Thorin. "Nice to see you two back together… Finally."

"What?" Thorin asked.

"A year ago, I became his publisher." Thranduil explained. "I was going to have a 'get to know each other' lunch meeting with William-"

"Which we did have." Bilbo interjected.

"Yes, but the idea was for Mr. Durin to walk in and order lunch there like he had every Friday and see you, but he never showed." Thranduil continued. "I'm still not sure why, but I assume that it was a company or family emergency."

"Was this in early October a year ago?" Kíli asked.

"Yes." Thranduil replied.

"Oh." Thorin drew the sound out as he understood. "Kíli had decided he was going to be a skydiver when he grew up."

"I can see where this is leading." Bilbo smirked a touch as he stood back up.

"Broken arm." Fíli nodded sagely. "Mama and Papa were at work. Uncle Thorin was the only one who could get us to the hospital because Uncle Frerin was freaking out."

"Hey!" Frerin protested, making everyone laugh.

It was then that Bilbo noticed that Thorin's arm was wrapped around his waist, and was holding him close. While Bilbo had missed Thorin, they just couldn't pick things up like nothing had happened. They needed to talk… alone… but not tonight. Tonight was about fun and games with your family.

"Did you enter any tomatoes in the harvest competition?" Thorin whispered into his ear.

"First prize." Bilbo replied smugly. "You remembered?"

"You bragged about it so much after Mirkwood." Thorin chuckled. "How if you had the time, you would have whipped the entire forest back into growing properly."

"Right." Bilbo chuckled softly as well.

"Papa?" Frodo tugged on Bilbo's jacket.

Bilbo knelt down in front of Frodo. The boy was looking at him with wide eyes that held nervousness and curiosity in them. Instinctively, Bilbo knew what it was that Frodo wanted to talk about, but he would wait until the lad drew up his courage to speak.

"Is Mr. Thorin… my daddy?" Frodo's whispered was so soft, it was barely heard by the once hobbit.

Bilbo took a deep breath. He was dimly aware of Dís distracting Fíli and Kíli with a different booth, Manu doing the same with Larry, Sam, Merry, and Pippin. He also heard his mother pushing Frerin and Dís' husband, (his name was Víli, right?), away with the help of Balin. Thranduil and Legolas followed the group, (Thranduil followed Legolas, who had spotted Gimli and had ran off to meet his friend), and left the Bilbo and Thorin alone with Frodo at the crowded fair.

"There's a bench over there." Thorin gestured to a, surprisingly, empty bench.

Bilbo nodded as he stood back up and offered his hand to his son. Frodo took his Papa's hand and let the man guide him to the bench, Thorin following. The three sat down together, Bilbo between Thorin and Frodo. Bilbo took another deep breath, and exhaled softly.

"Now, you want to know if Mr. Thorin is your father?" Bilbo asked.

"Yes." Frodo nodded.

"He is." Bilbo replied with a nod of his own.

Frodo clamored into Bilbo's lap so he could study Thorin. Thorin wondered what the lad saw when he looked at him, and what he had seen when he looked the first time. Had Frodo seen how they share the same hair and eye color? Or had he overheard when Balin spoke with him at the riddle booth, mentioning Dís' name.

"You were a dwarf king." Frodo whispered quietly, almost like he was conspiring some grand plan to get the cookies that Bilbo baked.

Thorin chuckled, and Bilbo chortled into his son's hair. The lad was just so adorable, and he wasn't even trying! At first Thorin thought it must have come from Bilbo's side of the family, but Fíli and Kíli had been pretty damn cute when they were younger too… But maybe they had gotten it from Dís.

"Yes I was." Thorin replied.

"A dragon took your mountain and you took it back." Frodo continued in the same hushed tone.

"I wouldn't have made it if it wasn't for your Papa." Thorin smiled at Bilbo, who blushed at the praise.

Bilbo felt his nose twitch, something that just happened when he got excited, nervous, or wasn't to please about something, (a reflex really). In this instance, Thorin showering him with praise made his nose twitch, but it was a good feeling. He could also feel his face heat up at the words. Damn it Thorin, why did you have to make say thing that made him blush?

"What's going to happen now?" Frodo asked.

Thorin and Bilbo glanced at one another. It was something they needed to talk about with each other, probably tomorrow. Most likely they would need to go see Cate Blanchet for some couples therapy or something to hash out issues past life. And then they would go on dates… and then possibly - _cough_ -read: hopefully- _cough_ \- get married.

"Right now?" Thorin asked. "As in, right this second now?"

"Yes." Frodo giggled.

"Well, right now I'm… going to tickle you!" Thorin proclaimed.

The once dwarf scooped Frodo out of Bilbo's arms as he stood up, half flipping the lad over his shoulder as his fingers found the spots that made his son shriek and laugh in delight. Bilbo laughed as well, and watched Frodo's legs hung over Thorin's back, half-kicking half-curling up, and the boy's hands perched on his father's stomach as he attempted to push himself up before fingers found another ticklish spot. Bilbo pulled out his phone and took several pictures of the two males. Choosing the best one, he sent it to his mother with a brief message.

 _Father and son bonding time_.

 ~

"AUGH!" Bilbo yelled.

This time it wasn't Sméagol's fault, it was his own fault. Well, his and Thorin's, but still.

It was two years since Thorin and Bilbo had met at the Harvest Festival. They did get some counseling from Galadriel, together and separate since Thorin still had some issues he needed to work out about being close to Manu (Azog), Larry (Blog), and Thranduil again. But on the bright side, Fíli, Kíli, Dís, Víli, and Frerin all loved having Frodo and Bilbo around, with Fíli, Kíli, and Frerin teaching the lad all sorts of trick to get others, and himself, into trouble.

Dwalin and Balin were just as ecstatic to see Bilbo as Fíli and Kíli were, but showed it in different way than clinging to his legs and chanting 'Mr. Boggins! Mr. Boggins!' Dís loved Bilbo, and told him all sorts on embarrassing stories about Thorin from their childhoods, much to the man's embarrassment. And it was nice to officially meet Frerin and Víli, both of whom had died in Middle-Earth before Bilbo got the chance to meet them.

Glóin, after prying Gimli away from Legolas and Thranduil, greeting Bilbo with gusto, which of course got the attention of his brother at the 'Guess my Age, Weight, and Birthday' booth. The family doctor gave the once hobbit burglar a hug that nearly broke his ribs, until little Frodo kicked the man in his knee, demanding he put his Papa down. It was a little funny to see Óin hobble around for the rest of the evening.

Gimli and Legolas were delighted to encounter and get to know the hobbits of their fellowship once again. Merry and Pippin tackled the two while Sam groaned at their actions, Frodo just giggled. And of course, Merry and Pippin loved Fíli and Kíli. Bilbo swore to this day that the earth shook in terror, proclaiming 'Oh no, we're doomed!', or something alongs those lines.

Bifur and Bofur had their own booth at the fair, filled with carved wooden toys for children, and signs and ornaments for adult. Of course, Bofur spotted them first and called out with his usual jovial grin. Bifur gave Frodo a couple of carved ornaments, which Bilbo immediately recognized as himself as a hobbit and Thorin as a dwarf. They were then directed to Bombur's food cart, and the once dwarf gave them a 50% discount on their order.

Nori attempted to swipe Bilbo's wallet, but ended up with his getting swiped instead. Of course, the two laughed it off as Ori and Dori ran up, hugging Bilbo tightly as well. In the end, they all ended up as one happy family together. Even Manu and Larry, after the initial 6 months of getting used to each other and understanding that they weren't going to go crazy and start killing everyone off the first chance that they got.

Bilbo and Thorin ended up engaged 9 months after their first meeting. 6 month later, they were married, with Frodo being the most adorable little ring carrier they had ever seen. Their rings were made of platinum, both having an aversion to golden bands. Bilbo and Frodo's last name was legally changed to Durin-Baggins, as was Thorin's. Their honeymoon was definitely worth remembering, especially since it brought them to the point they currently were at now.

"WA-AH! WA-AH!"

"It's a girl." Elrond smiled as he placed the newborn baby on Bilbo's stomach.

"Oh." Bilbo exhaled as the intense pressure finally waned.

"You did it love." Thorin said as he nuzzled Bilbo's hair. "Our daughter is here."

Abigail Freydis Durin-Baggins had been worth the wait.

Frodo had been over the moon when his Papa had announced he was expecting another child. Thorin had fainted. Too good of an opportunity to pass up, Frodo and Bilbo colored on his face with washable markers, placed a sign that read 'I'm going to be a Daddy' that was on a piece of paper on Thorin's chest, and took a picture. They sent it to everyone on their contacts list.

Thorin was not amused when he woke up.

In no time at all, toys, clothes, diapers, and a whole bunch of other baby stuff from their friends and family found their way inside their home. Sméagol had sniffed all of the packages as they came in, trying to figure out what was going on, Dáin following and doing the same. As Bilbo's stomach grew, they quickly caught on. Dáin grew more protective of Bilbo, while Sméagol avoided him like the plague for whatever reason. Bilbo didn't question it.

Then one day when Bilbo was seven months along, when the company, Thorin and his family, and Belladonna were all busy with their jobs or other business, Bilbo was alone in the house, save the animals. The once Hobbit had dozed off on the couch, and woke to that hair-raising cry that Sméagol rarely gave. The cries of pain from a human had Bilbo quietly looking out of the sitting room to see a man dressed in black with a face mask on trying to get the cat off of him.

He was arrested 2 minutes later.

Sméagol approached Bilbo while Thorin was heading home as fast as he could. Bilbo let the cat sniff his stomach before the Abyssinian gave him a look. Bilbo understood Sméagol would look after the kids because they needed someone to when the adults couldn't be there. But the adults were full grown and had each other, so they did not need him… as much.

"She beautiful." Thorin murmured. "Her hair matches yours."

"She has your ears." Bilbo replied.

"She's so small." Frodo whispered, the 9 year old having climbed perched himself on Bilbo's bed.

"All babies are small." Dís reminded him.

"And cute." Fíli, now age 12, grinned.

"How is red cute?" Kíli, recently turned 8, asked.

"The redness will fade, give it a little time." Bilbo hummed as he held his daughter close.

It had taken Bilbo many ups and down, including but not limited to… getting dragged on an adventure, outwitting trolls, nearly getting eaten by wargs, smashed by Stone Giants, eaten by Gollum, flying on eagles, meeting a bear skin-changer, wandering a forest that causes hallucinations, imprisoned by uppity elves, terrible amusement park barrel rides, smelling like fish, swimming up threw a toilet, attempting to rob a greedy Master, finding a thrush, waking a dragon, going to war against elves and men and then changing it to against goblins and orcs 2 seconds later, the love of your life and his nephews dying, carrying a cursed ring for 60 years, giving the ring to his son to take care of, ring getting destroyed by his son, and dying on the way to the Undying Lands, (how ironic).

There was also being reincarnated as a human many years later, getting drunk and pregnant by his dwarven lover's reincarnation, writing his son's story for the world to know, writing _his_ story for the world to know, finding his dwarven love's killer reincarnated and encouraging him to model, finding his lover at the Harvest Festival, getting engaged, married, and having another child.

But he wouldn't trade it for anything.

 ~

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end. I'm sorry it ended like this, but I'm all burnt out from fighting this chapter.
> 
> Still, let me know what you thought. 
> 
> Bye!


End file.
